Great Things & My Broken Heart...

Today I saw my sister present the flag along with other National Guard Members. I can't believe she's a senior in high school and is about to graduate in a few months. I remember discussing with my parents that I'll be 27 years old when she's graduating high school. Sure enough 9 years later after I graduated high school this time has come for her.It's funny how time flies. I saw kids from my old high school wearing Class of 2014 Lettermen jackets only to remind me my 10 year high school reunion is next year. Damn, it's weird to even think of being out of high school that long. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Cray cray for sure.


I'm still trying not to think about a certain someone but it's been a difficult journey for me thus far not to think about him. I wish my feelings would just go away already but I know it's going to be a while before that even happens. They say it takes about half the time you were in a relationship with someone to fully get over them, so it'll take me about 3.5 years. I'll be 31.5 years old by then. For some reason when I'm typing this out I feel like Carrie Bradshaw is narrating what I'm thinking about and my actions to type it. I think I've watched Sex & The City way too much. Well, Carrie did blog and write relationship articles.

I just had to throw that quote in there from Sex & The City. Oh Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker a.k.a  S.J.P) you do have words of wisdom that us ladies should live by. I should apply this to myself but my mind heart and mind seem to be in two different places. Damn having feelings sometimes they seem to always screw with my head (and heart)! 

 

This is how I feel, why do I keep holding on to him when he left me for some skank ho ex girlfriend who cheated on him with her ex from 5years ago. When will my heart stop yearning for you. When will you learn that I'm the one who really loves you but your selfish actions you could give a damn less about how I feel.  

Ugh, the dating world for a late 20 something woman... It's a royal pain in the ass to find a guy who appreciates a good woman. Except, stupid sluts and bitches tend to win over men. To hell with the smart, loving, loyal, faithful, honest, respectable, hard working, kind, caring woman. That's a no no. Sometimes I feel I'm just better off single with no bull shit or petty drama to deal with if you know what I mean. Here's another lovely quote from Ms. Carrie Bradshaw for us ladies.....

My aching heart....

I totally can relate to UnderTakerFreak1127, this video describes my feelings.... 

My heart aches for you...

Why did you leave me for someone who used you?

Nights I cry myself to sleep,

Praying to God that I don't become weak,

My intentions are pure, honest, and true,

Why did you leave me so damn blue?

I wish I could forget you but it's so damn hard,

You have hold on my heart,

Left me for some bitch who hurt you before,

It seems to me you refuse to see what is standing in front of you,

A woman who truly loves you for you,

I wanted you to change for yourself, never for me or anybody else,

If that's not REAL LOVE  than what is?

I wonder why the ones we love hurt us the most,

How could you lie to me?

I trusted you with my heart,

I was there for you no matter what,

The good or the bad,

Loyalty, love, respect, honesty, and trust is what I gave to you,

But you threw it all away for someone I know, deep in my heart, that is going to use you again,

Maybe you'll understand how I feel when she plays with your emotions, makes you cry, lie like she did before, and goes back to her ex boyfriend yet again,

I know one day you'll come back to me,

Realizing that I'm the one who really loved you,

I'm trying to pretend you never existed like you treat me,

Treating me like a total stranger,

I pray to God one day you'll find peace within your life,

I know you're still hurting from your past,

I can feel it though you think you are fine,

Deep down inside, I know you cry,

My heart still yearns for you,

I wish I didn't care so much,

As Aaliyah said, "Took my kindness for a sign of weakness"


My heart still friggin' yearns for you, though it shouldn't..


I had to write this somewhat poem to get my feelings out there. I just don't understand why people we love so much hurt us so badly. During the night my mind constantly races on why you left me for some bitch who left you 5 years ago for her f****ing ex-boyfriend. You claim, "She's changed" when in reality you now are living in a fantasy. I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer, more than likely she's just using you again. You refuse to hear the truth but would much rather have a royal bitch use you and break the heart of a real, loving, loyal, honest, caring, true, lady. People don't realize that the one who loves them they end up hurting them the most. I may not be "perfect" but I am willing to except you for you. I never wanted to try and change you.  I miss you so much, to me the distance never mattered. You were always in my mind and heart. I pray to God that you will heal from your past and you'll realize there are people who want to be there through the thick and the thin. There are people who really care for you, but you hurt them badly. I miss you and I know you could give a damn less about my feelings. It sucks to be in love with a guy who hurt me so bad. I wanted to work things out and never give up. But you walked out on me and left a hole in my dying heart. Did I even mean anything to you? Did you just use me to get back at that heinous bitch who did you dirty? Shame on you if you did. When will you learn that I'm the one woman WHO LOVES YOU!