What Must I Do In Order To Forget You...

I know I keep on posting on how much I miss my ex-bf. It's been 4 months and still no word from you. Sadly, I miss you. I shouldn't at all but I do. I know your birthday was this past Sunday and I wanted to wish you one so badly. I was in tears lying in bed at my cousin, Arturo's apartment, while thinking of you. I was listening to my iPod and sure enough a song that you love had to come on, "Boom" by The Grouch & Eligh. It reminded me of when you were driving me back to Moreno Valley so I could attend my cousin Ronnie's wedding dinner. That was back on August 20th, 2009, I believe. I had to skip over that damn song to prevent my tears from flowing like a river. Certain things will remind me of you and it's hard to escape them. I damn well know that hood rat has you under her spell and I know she'll never love you like I love you. I have a bad feeling she will hurt you again as she did before hand. Of course I'm the crazy bitch because I speak my mind especially when I'm really pissed off. I can't help it that I'm honest and yes I can be very harsh. I have been trying so damn hard to act as if you never existed but it's been incredibly tough not to. You left my heart on the ground shattered in a million pieces and went on with your life. I wish I did not care about you still. You treated me like dirt and I was very true to you. I guess you'll never understand what loyalty is and there are people you can actually trust. But you must retrograde and get screwed over by your ex-gf's who don't really love you. That's pretty sick and twisted to live ones life like that. It hurts my heart to know I didn't mean anything to you. If you truly loved me you never would've left me for a two timing skank who cheated on you before. Just because someone claims that they have "changed" doesn't mean a damn thing.  Actions speak louder than words. I am a firm believer in that. I really do not know how to forget you. I've been seeing a therapist to help me through this hurt and pain, the emotional scar you left upon my heart. One thing I know is that one day you will regret the day you left me for whatever her stupid name is. Once she puts you through all the same drama, lies, cheating, etc. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I have a lot of love that is deep, true, loyal, and unconditional something I guess you'll never understand. Why do you hurt the ones that love you the most? What have I done to you to be treated in such a terrible manner? It's not cool to deceive and manipulate others feelings. That's just down right disrespectful and cold blooded. I blame myself for thinking you would've changed and maybe understand how I feel. But you never loved so deeply and saw the beauty in someone like I thought I saw in you. I tried so hard to make this work but it was all in vain since you never cared for me like I cared for you. Love is to far complex and it only leaves me in tears since I wear my heart on my sleeve way too much. I wish I wasn't so convinced by those pretty little lies you told me. You filled my mind with dreams only to be broken by your false promises. It's not cool to play with ones head or emotions. Not cool at all. I wish I could forget you, but it's hard when I spent 7 years of my life being devoted to a man who saw me as a game.