Damn, my heart, for still caring about you. I wish I could shut my emotions off and not care at all sometimes. This still is eating away at my heart though I know I should not give a damn about you. Yes, therapy has been somewhat helpful but my heart as well as my mind are both having a hell of a time erasing you from them. Exactly, on the 5th of January it will have been a year I have not heard your voice. I still have trouble sleeping at night (It's 6:44 am CST as I write this blog). I still don't understand how you could just throw 7 years away. Love is such a foolish emotion. I care not to fall in it because it's a royal pain in the culo and I'm the one who ends up hurt. I find it difficult to hate you though my therapist, family, and friends say it's ok to. I can't help but feel bad for you and unfortunately still care. Emotions make life so complicated and I try so hard to avoid them but it seems to me I can not. My mother even suggested that I write a letter to you so I can move on but I know you would not bother to read it nor take the time to write back since ol' skank ho bag has you p****whipped. I wanted to share my world with you but you threw it all away. It's like the song Blurry by Puddle of Mudd... How could you take it all away? Explain yourself to me!!! At night sometimes I cry and I damn well know I shouldn't. It's been a struggle to work you out of my system. It's going to take a long ass time before I no longer shed a tear, think about you, miss you, and even care about you anymore. I know when that time comes when I no longer love you, you'll come running back to me and it'll be far too late by that point. You will feel all the hurt, sadness, and sleeplessness as I am right now. You will realize you had someone who truly loved you for you.
My mind at night races because your life is a fast pace as is,
Tears fall down my cheeks, wishing I could escape these memories,
I hate the fact that I still love you,
Your false promises and hopes destroyed my dreams of you,
How could you be so selfish and cruel?
One day you'll realize I was right, and thus it will cause fright,
You will be broken, you'll feel this hurt, and you will regret losing me.
Now if only I could catch some friggin' zzzzz's @ 7:05 am CST.... -.- *sigh*
