Time Sure Does Fly By...

It's funny how time flies by when one is about to graduate college. I can't believe in 2 weeks I'll have my associates degree and I'll graduate with honors. I never thought in a million years I'd be apart of one, Phi Theta Kappa. I wish I could share this joy with two loved ones who passed on in these recent years, Abuela Concha and Tio Manuel. I know you both would be proud and you're watching and protecting us from harm. Another person I wish I could share my happiness and joy with is the one who walked out of my life. God knows how much I miss and still love you. I shouldn't give a damn  about you but I do. I miss our conversations, how you'd bust  a free style, make me laugh, calm my nerves, and set my soul ablaze. Three months and not a word from you, my heart still yearns for your kiss and touch. I try so hard each day to act as if I never knew you at all but quite frankly dear it's been hell. I've been seeing a therapist to help me cope with the loss of love which has me spun up in it's wicked web of deception. I spoke to your mother last Friday and she was so happy that I sent her a birthday present. She was quite shocked I would even go out of my way to do that.

I know deep in my heart she knows that I still care for you and it hurts so bad that I can not tell her how I feel about you. I wish I didn't care so much since it seems to bite me in the ass when I let my heart free. It's a constant battle between my heart and mind to try and let go of you. A war of emotions that run as deep as the oceans and the mind who won't back down telling me to stay strong. As I hear the rain fall outside it reminds me of how my tears fall down my face quietly at night. I miss you. I love you still. I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you. You've touched my soul in many ways more than one and I wish the love between you and I could return. Do you miss me too? Is it your pride that won't let you speak? Or is she controlling your every move. I have a hunch that what's her name is pushing you around. If so I hate to say I told you so... N. M. J, I still love you and care for you. I really do miss you. I am so afraid of getting hurt again, having you play with my mind, sweet talking with pretty little lies, and the tears fall from my eyes. I don't know what else to say or do but if you do read this you know that I miss and love you so still...